Day 2:5 fast diet

So yesterday I wasn't that impressed with the diet! I felt so hungry all day despite it being a "feast" day and me eating quite well! (Probably too well!) but no junk like chocolate!

I felt sick in the night like a hungry sick, again despite it not being a fast day?! Which I found strange! And it kept me up!

Today again I was hungry for most of the day. But I have eaten too much today definitely! But that's standard Sunday for me and not because if the diet!

The other issue I'm having is because I'm so hungry I don't want to exercise :( so I did a great work out last week which has now been undone I feel because I haven't done any since!

So tomorrow is Monday! No chocolate at all this week I'm determined as I've found my chocolate intake creeping up slowly! Hot chocolate especially!! And it's a fast day so I've already planned my meals and a snack. 

I'm determined on non fast days to exercise also this week! More than walking the dogs! Whether I feel hungry or not I need to get back into the swing of things! 

It's not ideal with Xmas round the corner admittedly! But also I do have time off work! So no excuses to not hit the gym for an hour a day 5 days a week especially when I don't intend to hold back on the sweets at Christmas! 

And at least with 2 fast days a week that I've planned around all the lovely Xmas meals we have planned I'll feel I'm keeping some control hopefully!! And not load on a stone!x 

5:2 trial!

So the problem with me is I get bored very very quickly! So I have tried my hardest to stick to my healthy eating but wih December here, lots of work events and more eating on the horizon I admit I haven't done as well as before! I haven't put too much on but with the lack of exercise I haven't toned up as much either 

So I met a friend for dinner this week for our pre Xmas catch up and couldn't believe the change in him! He looked great! Thinner, healthier, glowing even! And he told me it was thanks to 5:2 diet?! Where you fast for 2 days (500 cals a day 2 days a week but not on consecutive days) and eat normally for the other 5.

He's found as time goes on he eats better on the 5 off days as he's done so well on the 2 it makes him aware of eating rubbish on the other 5! It's taught him to be satisfied quicker and not crave chocolate and crisps 

So with a wedding fast approaching and Xmas almost here (I will not be partaking in junk food bans during Xmas the one one of year you don't have to feel guilt about it!) 

So this seems like the perfect solution! 

I have been through the calendar already and the plans we have for dinners and family events and have managed to map out 2 days a week that I can "fast" 

I unlike some though am aware to get results I can't binge eat the other 5 and still expect to loose although that is what the diet suggests! (Eat whatever you want on feast days) 

So I did a fast day yesterday as it was a work from home day. And although I stuck to pure protien and health foods it's so difficult to stick to 500 cals! I was surprised! I went to bed hungry, slightly anxious (which is a normal side effect of mine when hungry) I didn't sleep great but then I haven't been sleeping great for about a week before this so I can't say it was from hunger!

So unlike other diets instead of a day of misery today i was able to wake up and have porridge and wholemeal toast. I still feel hungry but am determined not to over eat because I think that again would undo the good I've done! But I'm not about to feel crappy all day either so I'll have to see how that goes! 

At least I have 2 days of normal eating now until the next fast day. Then I need to incorporate my work outs on my feast days too. My fiancée thinks I won't have the energy the day after fasting but we'll see! Perhaps first week but I'm sure I will pick it up soon 

Curls and waves

II am loving the curls and waves styles at the moment and am dying to get my hands on a pair of GhD curling tongs! But am awaiting Christmas time to land that request on fiancée!

In the meantime whilst ordering some clothes for my hopeless brother I noticed the Toni & Guy double barrel waver for £24.99 on very.co.uk and they are nothing short of amazing!!

They heat up in minutes with 25 different heat settings to choose from! Hottest for me as always! 

They were fast to use! And reminded me of the old days crimping my hair! But took me maybe 20 minutes which was a rush job admittedly as I was running late! But it did the job!

And 3 days later.....the waves still hold! Exhibit A below. A dodgy hair selfie which doesn't do the waves justice! But bear in mind they are 3 days old! And are holding firm! I am really impressed!

Back on the health plan

So the last few weeks have been full of dramas! Work, home, relationship, pets even! Everything has just been stressful, plus I've not been well so any healthy eating has gone out the window in favour of comfort eating! And exercise has been a no go. I've been so poorly I've ended up with an inhaler! But no more. I'm pretty sure I've put on everything I lost :( and in blubber! I do not feel attractive at all!

So even though I am away for work tomorrow for a few days my healthy snacks are packed! Apples and a jar of peanut butter and graze boxes for my chocolate fix when desperate! I do have a colleague along with me who is allergic to nuts! So I do need to watch where I'm eating them! Ha!

I need some control when ordering dinners (no fries!) and no desserts. It's so hard to get back into the habit once you've fallen off the wagon! But I'm determined! 

Of course until Christmas comes anyway .........

The Ex files....

So fiancee has a facebook account. Well, more than one account. He opened them during our split to contact me when I changed my number or wouldnt answer! But only one had friends attached to it as he couldnt work out how to use the previous ones!

We keep getting questions as to why this account shows up on "people you may know" of our friends and he isnt friends with me on there (As I'd said no at the time!) so he asked me to try and get into it and close it down.

How on earth he's tried numerous times and failed I'll never know as I got into it first time! And whilst trying to work out how to deativate it I noticed he had some messages.

WHY did I look!

The messages to him were innocent enough, from friends who want to get in touch. Wanting his phone number or just check up on him and I relayed these back to him. But I stupidly scrolled down to the messages he'd sent. To a girl.

We werent together at the time. I have absolutely no right to look, mind or have an opinion. I didnt want him at the time, I'd finished with him, I'd told him to move on and I guess thats what he was trying to do.

What did bother me though was who it was to. It wasnt an ex girlfriend as such. But was a girl he has "been with" before. Again, shouldnt bother me. But what did bother me was this girl came up when we first got back together. We'd gone away for a weekend and it turned out he had been there before, with this girl and the story of their weekends together came out. Cant really remember why! I do remember at the time thinking it was odd he would choose to tell this story whilst we were away together!

But this message on fb basically said he "hated" they had lost touch over the years, she looked stunning and he still owed her a weekend in a 5* hotel

This was a message whilst we were apart and as far as either of us knew would never get back together. So why does it bother me?? I guess if it was a random girl it wouldnt?! In all honesty. I do know about girls whilst we were apart and although it gives you that sicky feeling! Its not anything I was really worried about. But the fact she is a girl he's been with before, and had come up already whilst we're away...what if this is someone he thinks about a lot?

She didnt reply (on fb anyway) what if she had?

I know I cant get mad. But I can be worried :(

How can you be sure it's the right person?

I look around at all my married friends and those that are getting married and I realise the ones planning a wedding seem happier than those who are actually married. 

And in one case a friend says if she hadn't married her husband after a year there's absolutely no way they'd be together now!

I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing?! Maybe good in that they had to work through their problems and now are out the other side. But perhaps bad if they felt they had to stick it out when it wasn't right?!

My fiancée upset me last weekend beyond belief. He really let me down. And I was shocked, disappointed and embarrassed. Let me clarify this isn't a cheating or beating issue! But let me down on something that was very important to me.

It left me questioning so many things! Should I commit to someone who has the ability to make me feel this rubbish? Someone than can let me down that badly with no regard for how important this was to me? Can I commit to someone who is unsupportive and unreliable?! It just made me question everything. 

As I was crying to a friend of a friend she said far be it from her to tell me to stay with someone I didn't think was right! But she said (and I quote) "all men are pricks" she proceeded to tell me that of everyone she knew, the men in the relationships misbehaved one way or another! And the women....well just seemed to gloss over it! 

She discussed a mutual friend who is planning a wedding and appears to have the picture perfect life and the fact that at times her fiancée goes out on a Saturday lunchtime and doesn't return until early hours Monday morning. You would never guess this goes on! I guess she chooses to not talk about it. I assume she discusses it with him?! But maybe she doesn't! 

So does this girl accept the behaviour because she loves him for better or worse?! Or....because she loves him so much she doesn't want to see fault? Or wants to get married so much she ignores it?

But what can that lead to? Anger hitting later on? Resentment? Once the wedding excitement is over disappointment when things don't change?! Who knows! 

I am not one to keep quiet! And am unable to pretend things haven't happened if it's upset me! 

I accept people have faults. But what are faults and what are just pure selfish actions?

When I get married I want to be 110% sure. No ifs or buts and no possible way outs! And no fake life! I don't want to be the smiling stepford wife who cries herself to sleep over the wrong choices she made!

Diet sabotaged!

So the last week I have completely failed on the healthy eating!

It was my birthday (yay!) and my mum made me a beautiful birthday cake! Then my brother showed up in the evening with .....a birthday cake! 

Such a sweet thought! On both parts! And home made (well mums was! Brothers may be packet made but it's thought that counts!!)

Then I arrive at mums at weekend and she made cookies! My absolute favourite!

That's after the cake eaten at my birthday tea with the girls! *cry*

I've done my best! I've been polite plus battled with the "it's my birthday I'll eat the whole dam cake if I want" ha!

I've continued to work out also where possible! But haven't managed all the 5 days as I've had plans. (And the world doesn't revolve around diet and exercise although it does seem like it at times!)

I've definitely got some wobble back that I'd got rid of! 

I gave most if brothers cake away in party bags for my birthday evening out with friends (phew!) I've given slices of mums cake to visitors but have of course endulged myself! I've kept to one small slice when I have rather than a quarter of the cake! 

The cookies however I'm afraid to say I ate all myself!! Cookies are my weakness, especially my mums home made!

It's not her fault. It's what she's done every year since I was a kid! So it didn't occur to her I was making a lot of progress and now a lot of that has been un done (argh!)

So back on the treadmill this morning! Back to watching what I eat! The main issue is chocolate and sugar cravings all over again! That I had been rid of! But I did it before I can do it again! 

I wasn't feeling the workout this morning. I find it takes a while to get back into it! I hope not too long!

I'm having a tooth out tomorrow (wail!) so may not be able to work out, we'll see. It should definitely give the diet a quick start though! Ha! 

So I've had a let down week! I hope if you have too you haven't let it get you down! We can't say no to sweets and treats all the time!! You know if you got run over by a bus tomorrow you'll wish you'd had that kit Kat after all!! :) even weight watchers let you have 2 treats a day! 

Just moderate them! And keep the blow outs for special ocassions!xxx

My birthday!

Its my birthday tomorrow. And I really feel like the older I get the more I enjoy them! (Weirdly!)

I think when I was young I used to invite literally everyone I know! And would get let down when people couldn't come or didn't come!

I think as you get older you realise! You're not "friends" with everyone you know! 

I spent today with 2 of my school friends and their children and am spending my actual birthday first with my mum then evening with my lovely fiancée. Then Friday with my close circle of friends.

It's chilled and I love it! And most importantly enjoy it! I'm lucky to have friends I've grown up with! And know it :) 

I also have a great extended family. Who I really love. They couldn't be more different to my family! Which is small and reserved to say the least! My fiancées family is big, extended, and crazy! But they have the biggest heart of any family I know! I'm lucky to (soon officially!) be a part of them!

So I guess I'm thinking how lucky I am on my birthday this year to be surrounded by genuine family and friends that I choose and want to be around! Cards and presents are lovely! But having

the right people is better!

Lost 10lbs!

So I haven't updated for a while! But I have been sticking to my healthy eating plan!

Not 100% as August is like Christmas to me! Birthdays birthdays birthdays! Which means....cake cake cake!

But I have had cake in moderation! And I have worked out more, or adapted what I eat the rest of the day to make up for the bit of cake I did eat!

I would like to say it's all the healthy eating and exercise! But a lot of it is giving up chocolate I think! I didn't real she how much I was eating until I stopped!!

Now I'm getting results the exercise part is a lot easier! It's horrible when you're working away at the gym and you see no change! Now I'm seeing toned arms and my stomach fat reduce it spurs me on to work harder 

I have had some negativity from people. That I'm "obsessed" when they text me on my day off and I'm on the treadmill! But I'm not. I work out 4-5 times a week. You'll probably find if you do get negative comments from people about exercise they are feeling bad that they haven't done any. You just have to stick with it!

I still have days when I can't be bothered! And on those days I walk the dogs further! 

As it's my birthday tomorrow.....those 10lbs may reappear in the form of cake! Argh! I'll do my best to work it off :) 

Eating healthy on the road!

I am getting pretty good at my healthy eating plan whilst at home. Before long it becomes habit, and 4 weeks in I feel I've done pretty well

Being on the road however is a different story!

Whilst at home my breakfast is always porridge, without even thinking about it! On the road....its always cooked breakfast as many dont have porridge, or the porridge they do have is bleurgh!

But it doesnt have to be unhealthy!

I try to have museli to start which is the same pretty much anywhere! With semi skimmed milk. Poached egg on wholemeal toast is a good option. Beans on toast isnt even too bad! I would steer away from fried egg and bacon if you can?

Sausages are also not a great option, however....they are protien. I'll leave that up to you!

Lunch I have been buying from Greggs this week as they are pretty much at every service station which is great! They do a ham salad bloomer without mayo. Ideally there would be less bread! But as I hate mayo its a great option for me as its filling, the salad is fresh and not soggy (so far!) and they sell special K crisps! Which really give a feeling of fullness!

Dinners I struggle with as I am SO fussy! At home I eat chicken pretty much 5 days a week (in various forms) but its difficult at hotels to find chicken not smothered in something!

So I opt for steak (protein) which is fine as long as we are swapping chips for salad or vegtables which I am first to admit I am not always strong enough to do!

So overall I am eating more whilst out and about than when at home!

I have continued my work outs. I am currently completing Brazilian Butt Lift by Beachbody and was able to bring along my "booty band" , resistance band and small ankle weights in my suitcase without too much hassle. So no excuses!

I am doing my best to get through the week and not pig out too much! Especially as I have a dress to get into this weekend!x

What I'm wearing this weekend

Since seeing the gorgeous Michelle Keegan in her pale blue lipsy dress I think every girl in the uk has been desperate to get their hands on it! It sold out literally over night much to my disappointment! But with much persistence and constant checking online I finally got hold of it! Well not one....two!

I didn't want to order it then realise I needed another size! So ordered a 10 and a 12! Much to my disappointment  I needed the 12! Not that there's anything wrong with that! But I'm normally a 10 in lipsy so with all my working out i thought a 10 would fit for sure! 

Sadly I'm sure I won't look as amazing as Michelle did!!! But I will feel very special in it for Mr's birthday celebrations in Liverpool :) 

I just need some very special shoes! 

So for anyone trying to get hold of this gorgeous dress Next have them back online and eBay have many. But it RRP's at £55. Some on eBay are asking for £80+ so be careful you don't overpay! 

Xxx

Tan on a budget!

I love love love to have a tan but sadly am not of the skin tone that tans easily! So fake tan is the answer to my prayers!

I have tried pretty much any tan on the market! 

St Tropez, Clarins, Ambre Solaire, Sublime Bronze and used the most Dove summer glow and palmers gradual tan.

The only problem with these tans is they made me feel "damp" at night when I'd put them on. Like a slippy slimey feeling! Which was uncomfortable. The smell also was quite strong also which isn't great in the summer time!

So. After much hype I decided to give the newest fad tan a go. St Moriz.

At £3 a bottle in Wilkonsons I was beyond skeptical! And put off using it until id used up every other than product in the house! 

I chose the spray tan version and finally plucked up the courage to give it a go! 

I exfoliated (a lot!) and put palmers coco butter on my knees, elbows and feet. And began to spray! 

It went on much easier than I had expected. Insanely easy to apply! And as it goes on brown there is no chance of you missing a spot!

Id bought a mitt from poundland to rub it in but it didn't really need to much smoothing over. I finished applying, waited a short time and got ready for bed (loose clothing) but didn't feel it took long to dry and didn't have that slimy feeling I usually get. 

And I didn't! I kept waiting for it to appear but it never did!

St Moriz works in the same way that St Tropez does in that you apply, leave on for 4-6 hours (preferably longer if possible) then shower off to reveal your tan. Meaning....as long as you covered every area ...no streaks! 

I slept fine, no damp feeling and more importantly no smell!!! 

I wouldn't say its smell free! No tan is! But compared to the other products id used the smell was really minimal!

I showered off in the morning and the colour was amazing! I didn't rub too hard  and washed my skin lightly. My feet came out darker than I'd have liked but no streaks! 

Amazing!

I'm definitely a convert!

It comes in spray, lotion and moose each RRP at around £3

If you'd like to tan on a budget give it a try :) 

http://www.stmoriz.co.uk/index/tanning-tips

New skin care regime & fave make up products

Now and again my skin gets sick of the current regime and breaks out! (Argh!) I try masks and detox but if it keeps happening its time for a change!

I've always wanted to try clinique and decided this time to give it a go!

So far....it's the best thing I've ever tried! My skin literally cleared up in 3 days! Amazing!

I chose the 3 step starter pack as it's almost like sample sizes (travel sizes) for £20. I was worried I wouldn't get on with it. But even if I didn't it wouldn't matter as clinique would give a full refund if it wasn't suitable! Fab!

I also use the rinse off foaming cleanser prior to the 3 step for when I'm wearing make up to clear all this off thoroughly first. It leaves my skin feeling soft and cleaner than it's felt in a long time!

Having said this I don't think you need to spend massive amounts on products. But I choose to spend a lot on my cleansing products as I've gotten older. 

I do however mix up my make up. For instance I use a Garnier BB cream which I find 100% better than a Mac one I used previously. 

I use Dior show iconic over curl mascara when I can. I find it the most beautiful easy mascara to use! And it gives me thick full lashes which I love. I really like the "false eyelash" look. RRP £23 

But if I'm having a purse tightening month (we all have them) I find maybelline  colossal and maybelline big eyes mascara are also amazing. Maybelline big eyes mascara is particularly great for the lower lashes. It has a seperate brush for top and bottom. These can usually be picked up for around £7 each. And usually in either boots or superdrug you can pick up maybelline products 3 for 2. 

Eyeliner I love the dramatic flick on the end ala Lauren Conrad! I think it looks really feminine and cool! 

The best eyeliner I find for this is loreal super liner. I find it really easy to glide on and get the small flick I want for day time and more dramatic flick for evening. Perfect! 

For powder my preference is Mac pressed powder which works great on my combination skin. It makes it matt and rids me of the dreaded shine!! RRP £20 

But if I run out max factor pressed powder translucent does a great job also making my skin look matt and shine free! And much more affordable at around £5

I buy as many of my products as I can from Boots or Superdrug to ensure I collect points!! They build up over the year ladies believe me! 

For blush my preference is mac powder blush RRP £18

But Bourjour blush in rose is a very similar colour to the mac shades I like and comes with the cutest teeny mirror compact and small curved brush RRP £7.99 

Any look can be achieved on a budget. No 7, Rimmel and even 17 have some great affordable alternatives. 

:) 

Diet week 3

Sorry I haven't been keeping up to date with this!

So I've managed to stick pretty much to the diet! And have lost half a stone! (Yay!) I have been working out also but I have to say I think 99.9% of the difference is cutting out chocolate! I was eating way too much of it! And most days! (Bad!) 

I was kind of hoping giving up chocolate wouldn't make THAT much difference!! That way I could justify eating it as I always have! Sadly it has made all the difference!

My working out I've kept to pretty rigidly. There are of course days I just can't get it in as I haven't got in till 10pm or whatever, but I make a note of the work out missed and add it onto another day

(It's easy as I'm following a beachbody work out so you have different work out discs to complete on different days) 

So all in all it's positive so far! I'm hoping I don't hit a wall!

And I'd like to add I went to a wedding weekend before last and had some cake. Went out for dinner last weekend and had a healthy dinner but then some ice cream after! So I haven't been 100% on a healthy eating plan constantly! I am human after all :) x 

This weeks eating plan!

So after a week off the wagon I am back on it! So I have decided to detail my eating plan for the week!
The work out is Brazilian Butt lift from Beachbody! (hard!) but if it works for Kate Hudson!...
So eating plan looks like this!...

Breakfast
Porridge wholemeal toast

Snack
10 walnuts 20g raisens, 10g sunflower seeds

Lunch
Turkey, beetroot lettuce, 1 rice cake (can change to chicken/salmon/tuna)

Snack
Fat free yogurt

Dinner
Chicken breast Brocolli/ Chicken veg stir fry/ Chicken & veg fajita/Steak & salad

After work out protein shake (whatever time of day I work out)

It looks pretty dull! lucky for me I eat bland and am fussy so do predominately eat the same things!

The dinners obviously are options, I wont be eating all of that on the same day :)

it looks pretty simple when i look at it like this! Lets see if I can stick to it!

#weddingprep

Job v Life!

I have always worked. Since as long as I can remember! I babysat as soon as I was old enough, I had numerous mums on my list that kept me busy throughout the evenings and most weekends! That money funded my (then) CD habit! Before that I would dog walk! 3 or 4 dogs in my neighbourhood, one at a time (as well as my own dog) If there was a way I could earn money to buy things I wanted I'd do it! Except tidy my own room! I hated school. Throughout! From lower school onwards!! In fact hate is too mild a word for how I felt about school! Such an incredible waste of my time I felt. And still do actually! I do cherish the lifelong friends I made there, but that really is it! I tried college after school for about 2 weeks! But then got my first job in an office at 16 as an office junior and never looked back! I loved that job! I remember excitedly telling my mum in a Martins cafe how I would be paid £100 a week! A WEEK! I was so ecstatic! until she informed me some of that would have to go on rent! The rest I donated to New Look in return for bags and bags of clothes! And then no money till payday! I went from office junior to telesales, to hairdresser, back to office work and pub work then nightclub and at one time had a 9-5 office job, a 3 evening pub job, 2 evening nightclub job and a saturday hairdressing job! I have always always worked. And I enjoy working! It wasnt until I was an adult and watched a film that inspired me to go to uni (I will give you a clue on what the film was by the pictures I include!) that I realised I didnt have to have 10 different jobs to get by! I just needed a career! So. 3 years of a Business Degree later thats what I did. I got a career. it meant starting at the bottom in my chosen field, on a salary of 14k when I had been earning way more as a call centre agent in the evening whilst studying and attending uni in the day but I knew it's what I needed to do. And it hasnt been about money (thankfully!) and as nice as money is! And from there I got a more high profile role in a recognised company, then onto a role where they paid for my Masters degree and another two years of studying later I am in the job I'm in now. And I love it! The problem with loving your work is....you cant alway have everything! As much as people try to. I've lost count of the arguments me and my "fiance" (I stil cant get used to that!) have over work when I'm hammering away at 9pm or later and him saying "it's just a job" "you should log off at 5pm" its just not that kind of job! And I can honestly say 98% of the company I work for are the same! We are pretty much on call 24/7 by choice! We love what we do. And I mean that honestly! From my days of bar work and telesales work I know what it's like to clock watch and I can honestly say I never have a chance to do that in this role! Unless it is to see how little time I have! Rather than wishing the day away! I get to travel a lot which is great! But it does mean a limited social life. My job comes with a lot of social aspects which is another perk! But it isnt the social life of catching up with your own friends, or spending time at home. In all honesty some weeks I am away most of the 5 days which means at the weekend I want to be at home and spending time with my man! But then when do friends fit in? They need love too! Sometimes its weeks before I can schedule in a dinner (as they also are busy at weekends some of the time)and even then if something kicks off at work and I'm sent somewhere else, I have to go. I do worry sometimes when I leave the house at 7am and wont be back for days that I will regret this one day. That I spend too much time working. But then I also think of how hard I've worked to get where I am and how lucky I am to enjoy what I do. Not everyone can say that! My partner for exammple sees work for what it is. A means to an end. He counts down till Friday. And dont we all to some degree, but most weeks I dont get the chance to worry about how long Friday is away as it's here before I know it! And I love that about my job! I do make sure I keep in touch with friends daily by calls, texts, emails or good old facebook. And I always take an interest in what is happening in their worlds. But it is a concious effort to do this! And I make sure that I do as it would be so easy to forget and let friendships fall by the wayside! I make sure the time my fiancee and I have together is of quality rather than quantity. And since we got back together I do try to limit my time away from home. It isnt always possible but I do my best. I think as long as you can remember work isnt the be all and end all and to enjoy the downtime as well it's ok? And wont be forever I'm sure. Who can keep up this pace forever??? oh....my boss actually!! ha!x

Engagements......awakening the mean girl.....

Whenever anyone gets engaged I can hand on heart say I have always been happy for them. Always. For two people to make such a commitment to their future it always restored my faith in happy ever afters! The only even minor negative thoughts I've ever had surrounding engagements are those that took place when we were in our 20's. As we saw so many get engaged and very few actually marry. In fact I can think of 1 of my close friends engaged in her early 20's and married and one other who only got married very recently! So imagine my surprise when I became engaged at the grand old age of 33 that amongst the congratulations were.....well just meanness!

These included my ring being checked under 4 different lights from one friend who was checking for "clouds" or "scuffs" and seemed more and more disappointed each time she couldnt find any?! Another who I'd told my wedding plans to years ago (in a dream wedding kind of way...not that I had it carefully planned out!) to book that exact venue Another butting in each time someone congratulated me to say she may still get married before me.....she's not engaged yet. And true! If it takes us a year or 2 she could well be married before me! But it kind of left the person congratulating me a bit confused as to why that came up?! And friends who are currently planning weddings that are booked and that I am involved in suddenly locking down and vanishing! I assume so as not to share any wedding plan secrets I may steal as my own! I'm sure one is devestated she showed me a photo of her dress. One commented on how she couldnt believe how "obsessed" people are with my engagement as she felt hers was barely noticed, and another who is engaged being blunt about the fact she isnt in the slightest bit happy for me as her plans are not going well. On top of this there's the upset it seems to cause people?! When you tell them of our plans to elope (which has always been our plan, from the first time we were together and not even engaged!) and we have always been vocal about this! Somehow we are taking it away from them? Like it's their wedding day and you wont let them attend. Our parents support the decision and we are having a do when we get back, so why should anyone else be upset? I dont know I'm confused! Some are even threatening to turn up! Some have said they can come secretly and wont be in the pictures and no one else will know! And they are people that to be honest I'm surprised are that bothered? They're not people we are closest to! So my excitement has almost turned to.....I dont know? Like I've done something wrong! Like my happiness somehow makes other's unhappy? Or I shouldnt shout about it, for fear I rub it in that finally we have it together enough to be engaged. Of all the ups and downs and round and rounds in our 20's finally we are here! At a place where we are planning to get married! And I just feel.....it should be a secret, for fear of another harsh comment, or disappointed response when we tell of our plans. They say its the most stressful time! And I now know why! I'm glad now we have decided it will just be us. As even the engagement news has caused this much stress I cant imagine how trying to keep everyone happy on the day must be! It's just going to be us, only we need to be happy.

So much has changed....

I cant quite believe how long its been since I've blogged. Wow. Classic girl gets a boyfriend and gives up everything that was important to her?? Not quite :) Promise!! I am still with the lovely boyfriend I reconcilled with ooo almost 2 years ago now (scary) after our three year hiatus! Obviously it was needed for both of us! To grow up, be single, experience things, deal with our pasts, improve ourselves, rejoin and start afresh. It's has on the most part been better than it ever was in the beginning when we met all of those years ago! Maybe a few bumps when we first moved in together! But I think it wouldnt be normal if that hadnt happened! I was promoted at work (yay) and didnt even see it coming which made it all the more exciting! And I work crazy hours and travel to some fantastic places and to some not so fantastic places! But above all I enjoy what I do and love the people I work with. It makes it not such hard work. We also started a family together.....of the animal variety! After losing my beloved dog a few years ago I didnt think I could ever have a dog again and go through all that pain! But I was wrong and the pain is so worth it for the amazing years they give us. We moved from a flat to a house which took some adjusting. But was the best move for all of us. Life is good. Although I never dare completely believe it. We've had our share of downs as well as ups. Him being out of of work when we first moved in together due to the awful weather we had (never ending snow!) my brother struggling with some mental health issues and a close friend of his families passing away. But other than that we are very blessed at the moment and I'm thankful for that.